Howdy all
I'm back on the straight and narrow again. I had a few days where I was having some tummy troubles, and I was eating nothing but toast....but on Saturday, after feeling sick all day.....Richard and I went out to dinner....and I only had 4 points left. I thought "I'll just order a salad"....famous last words. I felt too sicky in the tummy to munch on greenery, so decided a plain pizza would suit me a lot better. Woodfired, if you don't mind. Mmm...Cellar 47 does great pizzas. Anyway....18 points later, I've racked up a massive 38 points for the day. Whoops. But....Richard and I went for a walk, and that's got to have burnt off at least 1/2 a point. heheh.
Then, we decided to go for coffee. I am a pest to the coffee chick at McDonalds and ask for a skim decaf cappuchino. (Yes I know that's a really annoying drink to make, but we all know about me and caffeine). But....as I contemplated my order, Richard asked for a piece of cookies and cream cheesecake. Dear reader, I had to have some. So I did. Another 8 points. aiiee!! But, the slip has been stopped and I've reduced my points by 4 each day to make up for the feast. Phew. PLus, I'm thinking that if I just stay the same this week instead of lose weight, that'll be ok. I am still not exercising heaps....I've still been feeling a lil unwell...but went swimming with Alex today and will start again tomorrow.
I was really active today though, went grocery shopping and cooked 3 meals for later on in the week, and figured out all the points and put them in containers with the points on them. I'm stuuuuffed now!
Start my new job tomorrow...wish me luck!!
Ps Novak Djokovic reminds me of Richard, although his honker is a lot bigger. By honker, I mean nose. Ok, I'm gonna stop now. bye!
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
You've got a friend in me...
Morning all!
For someone who didn't want to wake up this morning, it seems a little unfair that I'm unable to sleep at twenty past two in the morning. Doesn't it? Hmmm.
I have found that since I've had Alex, I am hyper sensitive to caffeine.....I only have to have one coffee, not even strong, at any point during my day, and I will be completely unable to sleep until the wee hours. And so, when I had a diet coke during the Hi 5 performance today (or yesterday), I shoulda known better. Never mind.
I've been sitting here thinking about various things, tidied the house, finished reading my book, and am still zinging. What I've mainly been thinking about are friendships.
Friendships are interesting, are they not? Any relationship is give and take. Sometimes it's hard not to weigh up who is doing more of the giving and who is doing more of the taking. For the most part, I think I'm a pretty generous friend, although I think one of my weaknesses is definitely the fact that I get super annoyed if I feel like I'm being taken for granted. There are a couple of friends that I have, who aren't very good at staying in touch. I have some friends who are happy to see me or talk to me, yet won't initiate contact. I hate that! There are any number of people who I could choose to spend my time with/on, but when you click with someone, you expect there to be some sort of to and fro, not just one person making all the effort.
It used to really burn me up, and I'd have nasty arguments. These days, I have a simpler strategy. If I feel like I'm being taken for granted in a friendship, I stop trying as hard. These days, I value my time, and am not prepared to waste it on people who can't be bothered. Does that sound harsh? I hope not.....I'm not angry with those people, I've just come to realise that they don't need to communicate as often as I do. I have come to realise that I'm a very social person and I need input from others. I'm not someone who can operate in a social vacuum. The nature of my job at the moment (mothering) means that I often spend chunks of time with just Alex for company, and I crave adult conversation. And...I'm not into having to fight hard to occupy people's friend-scape. Not any more.
Recently, on Facebook, I reconnected with one of my best friends from primary school. We had parted ways in less than ideal circumstances, and she'd responded to my apologetic PM. we had a little chat about where we were at, what our families were doing...and then, when I explained why I did what I did, she stopped replying. Years ago, I would have kept talking and wanting a response, but today....I can see that I don't have to know why she isn't writing back. But...I do have to accept it. Some people chose not to be in my life...and that can be hurtful. Some people aren't prepared to give as much as I want from them, and that can be hurtful. Sometimes, I have expectations that aren't met, and friendships wither and are replaced. I have learnt that I can grieve over these lost friendships for only so long....before I start to feel depressed.
What helps me to move forward is to count the wonderful friends who ARE in my life, the family members who I DO speak to regularly, the people who DO reply to my texts and comment on my statuses. It also helps to get things in perspective to realise that you don't have to be present in someone's life to be thinking about them. But, I do like the people who let me know that they're in my life. That's just how I am. And that's ok....because saying and doing what I feel is me being real about me!!
And now...I'm gonna stop spouting psychobabble and try to sleep!
night all xoxo
For someone who didn't want to wake up this morning, it seems a little unfair that I'm unable to sleep at twenty past two in the morning. Doesn't it? Hmmm.
I have found that since I've had Alex, I am hyper sensitive to caffeine.....I only have to have one coffee, not even strong, at any point during my day, and I will be completely unable to sleep until the wee hours. And so, when I had a diet coke during the Hi 5 performance today (or yesterday), I shoulda known better. Never mind.
I've been sitting here thinking about various things, tidied the house, finished reading my book, and am still zinging. What I've mainly been thinking about are friendships.
Friendships are interesting, are they not? Any relationship is give and take. Sometimes it's hard not to weigh up who is doing more of the giving and who is doing more of the taking. For the most part, I think I'm a pretty generous friend, although I think one of my weaknesses is definitely the fact that I get super annoyed if I feel like I'm being taken for granted. There are a couple of friends that I have, who aren't very good at staying in touch. I have some friends who are happy to see me or talk to me, yet won't initiate contact. I hate that! There are any number of people who I could choose to spend my time with/on, but when you click with someone, you expect there to be some sort of to and fro, not just one person making all the effort.
It used to really burn me up, and I'd have nasty arguments. These days, I have a simpler strategy. If I feel like I'm being taken for granted in a friendship, I stop trying as hard. These days, I value my time, and am not prepared to waste it on people who can't be bothered. Does that sound harsh? I hope not.....I'm not angry with those people, I've just come to realise that they don't need to communicate as often as I do. I have come to realise that I'm a very social person and I need input from others. I'm not someone who can operate in a social vacuum. The nature of my job at the moment (mothering) means that I often spend chunks of time with just Alex for company, and I crave adult conversation. And...I'm not into having to fight hard to occupy people's friend-scape. Not any more.
Recently, on Facebook, I reconnected with one of my best friends from primary school. We had parted ways in less than ideal circumstances, and she'd responded to my apologetic PM. we had a little chat about where we were at, what our families were doing...and then, when I explained why I did what I did, she stopped replying. Years ago, I would have kept talking and wanting a response, but today....I can see that I don't have to know why she isn't writing back. But...I do have to accept it. Some people chose not to be in my life...and that can be hurtful. Some people aren't prepared to give as much as I want from them, and that can be hurtful. Sometimes, I have expectations that aren't met, and friendships wither and are replaced. I have learnt that I can grieve over these lost friendships for only so long....before I start to feel depressed.
What helps me to move forward is to count the wonderful friends who ARE in my life, the family members who I DO speak to regularly, the people who DO reply to my texts and comment on my statuses. It also helps to get things in perspective to realise that you don't have to be present in someone's life to be thinking about them. But, I do like the people who let me know that they're in my life. That's just how I am. And that's ok....because saying and doing what I feel is me being real about me!!
And now...I'm gonna stop spouting psychobabble and try to sleep!
night all xoxo
Monday, January 11, 2010
Being mama
What a month.
I'm sitting here at 11pm on Monday night trying to make sense of the past couple of weeks. A little while ago, everything was going along ok....three weeks ago I lost my job. It wasn't the end of the world, as it was a stretch of my abilities - I'd never done a full accounts role before...but I like a challenge and thought I was capable. Nuh uh. Oh well, it gave me more time to get ready for Christmas and our trip to Sydney.
Yes. the one that didn't end up happening.
Alex developed impetigo, which looks a lot like a mosquito bite when it first starts out. Hell, for all we knew, it was a mosquito bite that turned into impetigo. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impetigo
All I know is, he scratched the heck out of himself over Christmas, and only slept a couple of hours straight each night we stayed with Richard's mum in Finley. We returned home to Shep on the 27th of December, with Alex having started on his second set of antibiotics and having two large sores that he'd scratched and scratched, which were covered by dressings instead of mere bandaids.
Thus began my hell of having to change these bandages daily, after his bath so the dressings would come off easier. Sometimes if he saw me coming, he'd run away. We sought advice from my dad (GP) and my mum (nurse) and applied bactroban, betadine, dressings, bandaids, more bandaids, gave panadol, antihistamines......and eventually, graduated to larger and larger dressings, and to pain stop and phernergyn at night so that the poor little man could sleep for more than an hour or two at a time.
I was becoming increasingly desparate and worried about our trip to Sydney. How on earth was I going to cope with his bandages in the heat? I forgot to mention that we were having very very warm days and nights (up to 40 and sometimes not below 27 at night).....which only added to a nice warm moist environment for the Staph infection he now had to reproduce. I sent MMS pictures to mum and dad to get answers and help....we tried so hard to get the infection under control. Richard and I were sleep deprived. Sunday night, I went to bed at 2am after settling Alex and woke at 6.30am because I was so excited about our trip to Sydney.
Monday, Richard took Alex over to see dad so he could check out his sores, and to get mum to help him bath and re-dress the sores. I took advantage of time to myself to pack and catch up with some friends, not catching up on sleep because I wanted to sleep that night. Little did I know.
Richard rang me about 5pm, telling me that he had a letter from dad for the Paediatrican on call, and that we were to go to the emergency room, because his staph infection was way out of control. I felt like a bad mummy - I had only said to Richard the night before that I wondered if we were out of our depth, were we doing all we could do, was this normal? Should we have taken him to the hospital? I guess all I can say is that I had mum constantly on speed dial and that the worsening of his sores was just accepted by us because we kept hoping it would get better. we had no experience of this sort....
Anyhow.....Richard met me at casualty at 8pm. I wish I could tell you we saw the Paediatrican right away, but we all know that things don't work like that. We spent 2 hours waiting in casualty. We spent 1 hour waiting in a cubicle. Eventually alex was given an IV drip, which took 5 people to hold him down, and ended with me sobbing in tears. Poor little Alex was hysterical. that took us to 11.30pm, and we were shown to a new cubicle. around midnight, he was given an infusion of Flucloxacillin, which took an hour. About 1.30am, we were taken to the children's ward. by the time we were settled, it was 2am. Richard left to get some sleep and I eventually settled in the fold out chair/bed by Alex's bed. He was hyper hyper and I had to lay with him until he fell asleep at 3am. He had another infusion at 6am and slept til 9am. I couldnt' go back to sleep after I woke at 6am with his infusion...too afraid that he'd roll over and rip the cannula out of his arm. He's a very restless sleeper.
Richard arrived and took over the day shift whilst I slept. this sort of set the tone for the next few days.
I'd like to say a few things about being in hospital.
- most of the nurses are just wonderful, but there are the ones who are on a power trip, who make inappropriate jokes about your conerns, who ignore you, who lecture you on your three year old's dietary habits. The fantastic nurses just make a horrible experience so much better. The crap ones add to the stress of the situation and made me want to stick a pick axe through their spinal column.
- I hated the out-of-control feeling that hospital gave me - the lack of autonomy. Let me explain. At home, if Alex is fussing, then I can get him what he wants right away....or decide not to give it to him. In hospital, all his food and medicine were logged and handed out by nurses. Who were often very busy with children a lot sicker than Alex. It made me hesitant to ask, but at the same time, I needed the milk/nappy/panadol at the time, not in ten minutes time. Sometimes the nurse I'd ask would forget and I'd have to go and ask again. It was just annoying, cause I'm a total control freak...and I hated having to rely on someone else to get stuff for me.
- being in an isolation room with a rambunctious 3 year old can be, at times, a little slice of hell. Even though I was waking up with his infusions at midnight and 6am (and often not going to sleep in the first place), Alex was mostly sleeping well, and woke each morning full of beans and ready to destroy his toys.
- a tissued cannula (IV drip) is incredibly painful. When a drip comes slightly loose, the fluid from the IV stops going into the veins and starts entering the tissue. I was not aware of this when Alex started to scream in pain at 6am on Wednesday morning. At the ten and twenty minute mark, I had to ask for panadol repeatedly. At the half hour mark, I asked them to do something. they slowed the drip down. Alex and I were both in tears and he was screaming in agony. At the forty minute mark, Nurses were doing handover and one made a joke whilst he screamed in pain about whose fault it was. I had absolutely no idea what was happening to my poor anguished child and nobody told me. At the fifty minute mark, They didn't respond to me pressing the buzzer for about ten minutes, by which time he'd started to writhe around in agony on the bed. finally, after a full hour of intense pain, one of the nurses took his cannula out. She gave absolutely no explanation or reassurance about this, other than to say we'd have to have another drip put in. I was in tears and so upset for my poor son, who'd already been through a lot of trauma even before getting into hospital. When I rang my mum, who is a nurse, she told me what a tissued cannula is, and why it happened. A day nurse finally gave Alex some sympathy. Another nurse told another mum that he was spoilt and not in pain. Fabulous day.
One good thing came out of this, I watched Alex's cannula like a hawk, and if he started to cry or be in pain, I vowed that I would make them remove it at once. At midnight on Friday night, he started to cry. The nurse advised me she'd slow it down. Still, he cried. I buzzed and the nurse told me that they'd stop it and try again later when he was asleep. No. No no no! I said "no. I want you to take it out now. I'm sorry, but I don't want him in any more pain". Luckily I had a supportive nurse, but I was prepared to get shouty if I had to. That's just what being mama is about.
So, here I sit, two days after his discharge from hospital. Alex has to be kept away from daycare and too much contact with other children. At the moment, I am not taking him to be around any children until I have the all clear from the Paediatrician. This is for the other kids' sake, but also for Alex's ....if there is any chance of him catching something else while his immune system is down, I absolutely don't want to take it.
but...as a result, I have cabin fever. I feel very restless and I want to work! But...I also know that most of the office admin jobs are full time and I want to be home with him at least a few days a week. I miss him too much when I work full time. So, what's a girl to do? Try and blog about it, make a list of fun stuff to do with him, count my blessings. Recover from the lack of sleep and try to be normal again. Stop having expectations of friends and family to come to my rescue. My life is mine and God's responsibility. Nobody else owes me a living.
Oh..and I'm gonna....eat a lot of carrots. No points!
Love you all
Deb xoxo
ps - google images came up with a pic of how his sores looked. this is similar, although his were all over one of his legs and on his face. poor monkey!
Kinda gross skin thingy...don't click if squeamish!
I'm sitting here at 11pm on Monday night trying to make sense of the past couple of weeks. A little while ago, everything was going along ok....three weeks ago I lost my job. It wasn't the end of the world, as it was a stretch of my abilities - I'd never done a full accounts role before...but I like a challenge and thought I was capable. Nuh uh. Oh well, it gave me more time to get ready for Christmas and our trip to Sydney.
Yes. the one that didn't end up happening.
Alex developed impetigo, which looks a lot like a mosquito bite when it first starts out. Hell, for all we knew, it was a mosquito bite that turned into impetigo. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impetigo
All I know is, he scratched the heck out of himself over Christmas, and only slept a couple of hours straight each night we stayed with Richard's mum in Finley. We returned home to Shep on the 27th of December, with Alex having started on his second set of antibiotics and having two large sores that he'd scratched and scratched, which were covered by dressings instead of mere bandaids.
Thus began my hell of having to change these bandages daily, after his bath so the dressings would come off easier. Sometimes if he saw me coming, he'd run away. We sought advice from my dad (GP) and my mum (nurse) and applied bactroban, betadine, dressings, bandaids, more bandaids, gave panadol, antihistamines......and eventually, graduated to larger and larger dressings, and to pain stop and phernergyn at night so that the poor little man could sleep for more than an hour or two at a time.
I was becoming increasingly desparate and worried about our trip to Sydney. How on earth was I going to cope with his bandages in the heat? I forgot to mention that we were having very very warm days and nights (up to 40 and sometimes not below 27 at night).....which only added to a nice warm moist environment for the Staph infection he now had to reproduce. I sent MMS pictures to mum and dad to get answers and help....we tried so hard to get the infection under control. Richard and I were sleep deprived. Sunday night, I went to bed at 2am after settling Alex and woke at 6.30am because I was so excited about our trip to Sydney.
Monday, Richard took Alex over to see dad so he could check out his sores, and to get mum to help him bath and re-dress the sores. I took advantage of time to myself to pack and catch up with some friends, not catching up on sleep because I wanted to sleep that night. Little did I know.
Richard rang me about 5pm, telling me that he had a letter from dad for the Paediatrican on call, and that we were to go to the emergency room, because his staph infection was way out of control. I felt like a bad mummy - I had only said to Richard the night before that I wondered if we were out of our depth, were we doing all we could do, was this normal? Should we have taken him to the hospital? I guess all I can say is that I had mum constantly on speed dial and that the worsening of his sores was just accepted by us because we kept hoping it would get better. we had no experience of this sort....
Anyhow.....Richard met me at casualty at 8pm. I wish I could tell you we saw the Paediatrican right away, but we all know that things don't work like that. We spent 2 hours waiting in casualty. We spent 1 hour waiting in a cubicle. Eventually alex was given an IV drip, which took 5 people to hold him down, and ended with me sobbing in tears. Poor little Alex was hysterical. that took us to 11.30pm, and we were shown to a new cubicle. around midnight, he was given an infusion of Flucloxacillin, which took an hour. About 1.30am, we were taken to the children's ward. by the time we were settled, it was 2am. Richard left to get some sleep and I eventually settled in the fold out chair/bed by Alex's bed. He was hyper hyper and I had to lay with him until he fell asleep at 3am. He had another infusion at 6am and slept til 9am. I couldnt' go back to sleep after I woke at 6am with his infusion...too afraid that he'd roll over and rip the cannula out of his arm. He's a very restless sleeper.
Richard arrived and took over the day shift whilst I slept. this sort of set the tone for the next few days.
I'd like to say a few things about being in hospital.
- most of the nurses are just wonderful, but there are the ones who are on a power trip, who make inappropriate jokes about your conerns, who ignore you, who lecture you on your three year old's dietary habits. The fantastic nurses just make a horrible experience so much better. The crap ones add to the stress of the situation and made me want to stick a pick axe through their spinal column.
- I hated the out-of-control feeling that hospital gave me - the lack of autonomy. Let me explain. At home, if Alex is fussing, then I can get him what he wants right away....or decide not to give it to him. In hospital, all his food and medicine were logged and handed out by nurses. Who were often very busy with children a lot sicker than Alex. It made me hesitant to ask, but at the same time, I needed the milk/nappy/panadol at the time, not in ten minutes time. Sometimes the nurse I'd ask would forget and I'd have to go and ask again. It was just annoying, cause I'm a total control freak...and I hated having to rely on someone else to get stuff for me.
- being in an isolation room with a rambunctious 3 year old can be, at times, a little slice of hell. Even though I was waking up with his infusions at midnight and 6am (and often not going to sleep in the first place), Alex was mostly sleeping well, and woke each morning full of beans and ready to destroy his toys.
- a tissued cannula (IV drip) is incredibly painful. When a drip comes slightly loose, the fluid from the IV stops going into the veins and starts entering the tissue. I was not aware of this when Alex started to scream in pain at 6am on Wednesday morning. At the ten and twenty minute mark, I had to ask for panadol repeatedly. At the half hour mark, I asked them to do something. they slowed the drip down. Alex and I were both in tears and he was screaming in agony. At the forty minute mark, Nurses were doing handover and one made a joke whilst he screamed in pain about whose fault it was. I had absolutely no idea what was happening to my poor anguished child and nobody told me. At the fifty minute mark, They didn't respond to me pressing the buzzer for about ten minutes, by which time he'd started to writhe around in agony on the bed. finally, after a full hour of intense pain, one of the nurses took his cannula out. She gave absolutely no explanation or reassurance about this, other than to say we'd have to have another drip put in. I was in tears and so upset for my poor son, who'd already been through a lot of trauma even before getting into hospital. When I rang my mum, who is a nurse, she told me what a tissued cannula is, and why it happened. A day nurse finally gave Alex some sympathy. Another nurse told another mum that he was spoilt and not in pain. Fabulous day.
One good thing came out of this, I watched Alex's cannula like a hawk, and if he started to cry or be in pain, I vowed that I would make them remove it at once. At midnight on Friday night, he started to cry. The nurse advised me she'd slow it down. Still, he cried. I buzzed and the nurse told me that they'd stop it and try again later when he was asleep. No. No no no! I said "no. I want you to take it out now. I'm sorry, but I don't want him in any more pain". Luckily I had a supportive nurse, but I was prepared to get shouty if I had to. That's just what being mama is about.
So, here I sit, two days after his discharge from hospital. Alex has to be kept away from daycare and too much contact with other children. At the moment, I am not taking him to be around any children until I have the all clear from the Paediatrician. This is for the other kids' sake, but also for Alex's ....if there is any chance of him catching something else while his immune system is down, I absolutely don't want to take it.
but...as a result, I have cabin fever. I feel very restless and I want to work! But...I also know that most of the office admin jobs are full time and I want to be home with him at least a few days a week. I miss him too much when I work full time. So, what's a girl to do? Try and blog about it, make a list of fun stuff to do with him, count my blessings. Recover from the lack of sleep and try to be normal again. Stop having expectations of friends and family to come to my rescue. My life is mine and God's responsibility. Nobody else owes me a living.
Oh..and I'm gonna....eat a lot of carrots. No points!
Love you all
Deb xoxo
ps - google images came up with a pic of how his sores looked. this is similar, although his were all over one of his legs and on his face. poor monkey!
Kinda gross skin thingy...don't click if squeamish!
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Pneumonia and Georgy
Pneumonia. I have it. But it's getting better.
What else has happened? Hmm, I worked full time for a month...but found it very very difficult with home responsibilities, and coming down from being in the play "Inheritance". Can I just say how much I loved being in Inheritance? First of all, I got to make some great friends, I got to do something I love (acting) and be a really challenging character. It was soooo funny backstage at this play - some plays, the actors just show up, do their stuff, and go. There's not much camaraderie and you don't feel you really crack the surface with the other actors. Not so with this play.
For a start, there was the chance to work again with Deb Hall and John Head, who both make me laugh and are awesome. I got to fight with both of them, and the faces that John would pull in one of our scenes made me lose it on many an occasion. There was even one performance when I sniggered slightly, then pulled myself up. JH also provided the idea for one of my killer lines - "awww...isn't that sweet? BREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" Each night, as I screeched this into poor Joyce's ear, I knew that backstage Mon and Leigh would be cracking up.
Fiona was an amazing director, providing crucial blocking, character ideas and inspiration....I found her direction so insightful and comforting, because you knew exactly where you stood. No second guessing.
I got the chance to work with Dale Jenke for the first time, playing his horrible (fish)wife, screeching at him and calling him a loser!! hehe. It was so fun, Dale is a real joker and saying "GOOOD TIMES" and "OH YEAH" after walking off stage became a habit for cast and crew alike. I loved the chance to work with Joyce and Anne, and the gorgeous Brian Gill....he is a very special man and will always be like a member of my family.
I loved my goils, too.....Kate and Sian, fighting over skirt lengths, yelling at them and generally being horrid. Loved giggling backstage after I'd told them to "GET IN THE CAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRR!!". These two chicks are totally gorgeous and destined for great things. so much talent!
It was very exciting to work with a professional actor, and Isaac Drandich was such a sweetie - he even told me it was great to work with me!! I was so thrilled, it was a bit nerve wracking the first time he saw us perform, but I really think that it made us bring our A game, and that the production was the better for it.
Leah and Monique were always making me laugh - Mon and I were thrilled the day that we discovered that we shared a passion for the young ones! Now I pester her all the time with random texts about sillliness. Being immature is one of my greatest joys and I have people to share that with now! hehe. Leah and Amanda are the bestest backstage crew and I loved the chance to work with them again.
I love theatre because you become like a little family, the week before and during production are so full on that you form stong alliances and get to know and love each other. It makes living in shepparton sweet, because I feel like I now know "my people", the arty farty set!
Anyhooo - the job. It was pressure-ful and demanding and not altogether fair. But, I feel I handled it really well, apart from a teary outburst on my last day. I met a lovely girl, Jo......and have become facebook friends with Mel because of it. I really like Mel, and it was great to find out that I wasn't the only one!
I'm in the process of finding a coupla day a week job, and getting back to health. Have been so sick for about a month that I didn't do anything, see anyone or write, watch tv, anything. It was awful....but I think what I needed to just have some me time and review.
And now, the Georgy awards! Well, I'm going to be brutally honest and say that I wish I'd have won a Georgy last night - because I am vain, hehe...and because I would have liked a chance to get up there and thank my gorgeous family and new friends. 3 years ago I was severely depressed and couldn't see how I would ever truly live again. Today I live in glorious technicolour, with a fabulous husband, beautiful boy, I feel truly blessed. I agree that a nomination is cause for celebration in itself!! Last night I dressed up and felt beautiful and comfortable in my own skin. It's been a long time coming - my teens and twenties were full of angst, and now I feel happy to be me, and happy to be where I am. Contentment rules.
What else has happened? Hmm, I worked full time for a month...but found it very very difficult with home responsibilities, and coming down from being in the play "Inheritance". Can I just say how much I loved being in Inheritance? First of all, I got to make some great friends, I got to do something I love (acting) and be a really challenging character. It was soooo funny backstage at this play - some plays, the actors just show up, do their stuff, and go. There's not much camaraderie and you don't feel you really crack the surface with the other actors. Not so with this play.
For a start, there was the chance to work again with Deb Hall and John Head, who both make me laugh and are awesome. I got to fight with both of them, and the faces that John would pull in one of our scenes made me lose it on many an occasion. There was even one performance when I sniggered slightly, then pulled myself up. JH also provided the idea for one of my killer lines - "awww...isn't that sweet? BREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" Each night, as I screeched this into poor Joyce's ear, I knew that backstage Mon and Leigh would be cracking up.
Fiona was an amazing director, providing crucial blocking, character ideas and inspiration....I found her direction so insightful and comforting, because you knew exactly where you stood. No second guessing.
I got the chance to work with Dale Jenke for the first time, playing his horrible (fish)wife, screeching at him and calling him a loser!! hehe. It was so fun, Dale is a real joker and saying "GOOOD TIMES" and "OH YEAH" after walking off stage became a habit for cast and crew alike. I loved the chance to work with Joyce and Anne, and the gorgeous Brian Gill....he is a very special man and will always be like a member of my family.
I loved my goils, too.....Kate and Sian, fighting over skirt lengths, yelling at them and generally being horrid. Loved giggling backstage after I'd told them to "GET IN THE CAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRR!!". These two chicks are totally gorgeous and destined for great things. so much talent!
It was very exciting to work with a professional actor, and Isaac Drandich was such a sweetie - he even told me it was great to work with me!! I was so thrilled, it was a bit nerve wracking the first time he saw us perform, but I really think that it made us bring our A game, and that the production was the better for it.
Leah and Monique were always making me laugh - Mon and I were thrilled the day that we discovered that we shared a passion for the young ones! Now I pester her all the time with random texts about sillliness. Being immature is one of my greatest joys and I have people to share that with now! hehe. Leah and Amanda are the bestest backstage crew and I loved the chance to work with them again.
I love theatre because you become like a little family, the week before and during production are so full on that you form stong alliances and get to know and love each other. It makes living in shepparton sweet, because I feel like I now know "my people", the arty farty set!
Anyhooo - the job. It was pressure-ful and demanding and not altogether fair. But, I feel I handled it really well, apart from a teary outburst on my last day. I met a lovely girl, Jo......and have become facebook friends with Mel because of it. I really like Mel, and it was great to find out that I wasn't the only one!
I'm in the process of finding a coupla day a week job, and getting back to health. Have been so sick for about a month that I didn't do anything, see anyone or write, watch tv, anything. It was awful....but I think what I needed to just have some me time and review.
And now, the Georgy awards! Well, I'm going to be brutally honest and say that I wish I'd have won a Georgy last night - because I am vain, hehe...and because I would have liked a chance to get up there and thank my gorgeous family and new friends. 3 years ago I was severely depressed and couldn't see how I would ever truly live again. Today I live in glorious technicolour, with a fabulous husband, beautiful boy, I feel truly blessed. I agree that a nomination is cause for celebration in itself!! Last night I dressed up and felt beautiful and comfortable in my own skin. It's been a long time coming - my teens and twenties were full of angst, and now I feel happy to be me, and happy to be where I am. Contentment rules.
Love you all.
Deb xoxo
Monday, August 31, 2009
Long time between blogs.....and up before 6am!
Good morning all,
Well, it's extremely early and I only went to bed at 12.30...what the heck am I doing up at this insane hour? The answer is, changing a wet little boy's sheets and clothes, and stressing about my new job!! Eeeek!!
Let's put this into a bit of perspective - I have been doing the whole "let's hand it over to God" thing, and trying just to sleep and not think about what lays ahead, but let's face it, I have been not sleeping the night before important events since my first test in primary school. Always been just a leeeeeeeeeeedle bit of a worrier.
But I think in this instance that I might have due course. I was working a very reasonable two day a week job, but was getting worried that I'd get bored. I had been relieving another woman's position, and it was very busy, and I was enjoying the challenge. I started to miss being important.......one might say my pride was telling me that I needed some more validation in my job. I didn't really stop to think about the play being on in 2 weeks and that I'd be super busy with that. I wanted a new job and I wanted it noooooooooooooooow (the usual time I want most things....oh, and if not now, on MY TERMS, than you very much, God!!)
So...this job offer plopped into my lap. A friend from work put me forward for it, and I thought I pretty much had the job. Turned out, I had to interview for it, and the more they thought about it, the more I became convinced that I NEEDED THIS JOB!!!! So I did the best interview I possibly could, did my research and said all the right things, most of which were true. After that, it all happened pretty fast. I gave my notice, trained my replacement, had my farewell morning tea and thought about all the things I could buy with my pay....heheheh....good priorities!!
On the weekend, I had some training and started to have second thoughts. The good thing, is that they have built into the contract that I signed a get out clause for both of us, after one week we will both give feedback and see if we want to continue. I guess they realise that the job is pretty full on, as they've had a couple of women in the position who have had to leave because of the stress.
Ok...so my reservations are:
- the hours are long, and from what I can understand there is a lot of unpaid overtime, on weekends and after hours. I simply don't have this time up my sleeve - I want to be able to leave work at 5pm to pick up my boy and have quality time with him. I'm committed to 8.30 til 5pm but am concerned that there is a work ethic of working til the job's done. I simply cannot do this.
- there is a lot of abuse coming my way!! Dealing with very irate customers is part and parcel of this job. Typical reception/call centre procedure dictates you are allowed to disconnect callers if they repeatedly abuse you. I asked if after a few warnings, I'm allowed to disconnect if people are verbally abusive. I was told "you never hang up on a customer!". cripes.
- I have a sinking feeling that there is a drinking culture within this company. Something tells me this, although I have no proof.
- there is a lot of swearing and stuff that goes on. I don't mind a good swear now and again but not so much in the workplace.
- I am really quite concerned about how I am going to cope with the pressure. In the interview I said I coped well with pressure, and this is true for the most part....but I haven't had to cope with workplace pressure for a long time and I'm unsure as to how I"ll go.
So there you have it. I suppose I really have to front up this morning and see how I go. The bad news is that I already notified centrelink about the increased pay that I'll be getting in this job, so our childcare will skyrocket. If I do finish up at the end of the week, I am worried that I won't be able to get another job and will be forking out $200 for childcare with no way of paying for it. I am also a bit in favour of not continuing in the job, as production week (next week) is scarily busy and I really don't know how I'm going to handle the new job and the long hours of rehearsal.
Writing about this has really helped me, I have been laying in bed trying to rationalise my feelings, but setting them out in front of me has helped to clarify them. I think what I'll do is go to work and see how I go, then raise my concerns with my disability support worker - that's what she's there for!! I am sure they'll be supportive if I feel I can't cope, and will have some options. There is no shame in doing what's right for me. There is shame in staying in a situation because you're afraid of what people might think of you. So, yeah. Go me. I might even like the job!!!
Thanks for listening and I'll keep you all posted.
Deb :)
ps - the play is going fabulously and I'm relishing the juicy role of Maureen Delaney. She's such a baaaaaaaaaaad woman. I love our cast and I just laugh a lot of our rehearsals. I'm so looking forward to performing. See you at Inheritance!!http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=690232291&ref=profile#/event.php?eid=161084659304&ref=nf
Well, it's extremely early and I only went to bed at 12.30...what the heck am I doing up at this insane hour? The answer is, changing a wet little boy's sheets and clothes, and stressing about my new job!! Eeeek!!
Let's put this into a bit of perspective - I have been doing the whole "let's hand it over to God" thing, and trying just to sleep and not think about what lays ahead, but let's face it, I have been not sleeping the night before important events since my first test in primary school. Always been just a leeeeeeeeeeedle bit of a worrier.
But I think in this instance that I might have due course. I was working a very reasonable two day a week job, but was getting worried that I'd get bored. I had been relieving another woman's position, and it was very busy, and I was enjoying the challenge. I started to miss being important.......one might say my pride was telling me that I needed some more validation in my job. I didn't really stop to think about the play being on in 2 weeks and that I'd be super busy with that. I wanted a new job and I wanted it noooooooooooooooow (the usual time I want most things....oh, and if not now, on MY TERMS, than you very much, God!!)
So...this job offer plopped into my lap. A friend from work put me forward for it, and I thought I pretty much had the job. Turned out, I had to interview for it, and the more they thought about it, the more I became convinced that I NEEDED THIS JOB!!!! So I did the best interview I possibly could, did my research and said all the right things, most of which were true. After that, it all happened pretty fast. I gave my notice, trained my replacement, had my farewell morning tea and thought about all the things I could buy with my pay....heheheh....good priorities!!
On the weekend, I had some training and started to have second thoughts. The good thing, is that they have built into the contract that I signed a get out clause for both of us, after one week we will both give feedback and see if we want to continue. I guess they realise that the job is pretty full on, as they've had a couple of women in the position who have had to leave because of the stress.
Ok...so my reservations are:
- the hours are long, and from what I can understand there is a lot of unpaid overtime, on weekends and after hours. I simply don't have this time up my sleeve - I want to be able to leave work at 5pm to pick up my boy and have quality time with him. I'm committed to 8.30 til 5pm but am concerned that there is a work ethic of working til the job's done. I simply cannot do this.
- there is a lot of abuse coming my way!! Dealing with very irate customers is part and parcel of this job. Typical reception/call centre procedure dictates you are allowed to disconnect callers if they repeatedly abuse you. I asked if after a few warnings, I'm allowed to disconnect if people are verbally abusive. I was told "you never hang up on a customer!". cripes.
- I have a sinking feeling that there is a drinking culture within this company. Something tells me this, although I have no proof.
- there is a lot of swearing and stuff that goes on. I don't mind a good swear now and again but not so much in the workplace.
- I am really quite concerned about how I am going to cope with the pressure. In the interview I said I coped well with pressure, and this is true for the most part....but I haven't had to cope with workplace pressure for a long time and I'm unsure as to how I"ll go.
So there you have it. I suppose I really have to front up this morning and see how I go. The bad news is that I already notified centrelink about the increased pay that I'll be getting in this job, so our childcare will skyrocket. If I do finish up at the end of the week, I am worried that I won't be able to get another job and will be forking out $200 for childcare with no way of paying for it. I am also a bit in favour of not continuing in the job, as production week (next week) is scarily busy and I really don't know how I'm going to handle the new job and the long hours of rehearsal.
Writing about this has really helped me, I have been laying in bed trying to rationalise my feelings, but setting them out in front of me has helped to clarify them. I think what I'll do is go to work and see how I go, then raise my concerns with my disability support worker - that's what she's there for!! I am sure they'll be supportive if I feel I can't cope, and will have some options. There is no shame in doing what's right for me. There is shame in staying in a situation because you're afraid of what people might think of you. So, yeah. Go me. I might even like the job!!!
Thanks for listening and I'll keep you all posted.
Deb :)
ps - the play is going fabulously and I'm relishing the juicy role of Maureen Delaney. She's such a baaaaaaaaaaad woman. I love our cast and I just laugh a lot of our rehearsals. I'm so looking forward to performing. See you at Inheritance!!http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=690232291&ref=profile#/event.php?eid=161084659304&ref=nf
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Perth!
Well, as most people reading my Facebook page would know, the family and I headed over to Perth about a week ago for Nanna (Mum's mum)'s 90th birthday! Me, Alex, my sister Angela, Mum and Dad, my sister Jen, her hubby Ben and their kids Annelise, Zach and Elijah.
Ang, Alex and I were most kindly accommodated by Mum's brother, Jeff and his lovely wife Jenny, daughter Hayley and dog Gemma. hehe. Mum and Dad stayed with Nan and Jen, Ben & co stayed at an apartment in Scarborough for four days, two nights with a family friend somewhere in the sticks, and the remaining three nights with Jeff & Jen.
Friday, we all arrived, Angela had taken a flight from Sydney a little earlier and was waiting for us. We collected the car and all piled in, and went and had dinner at Nan's with a massive Abbott family gathering......... Jeff, Jen, Hayley, as well as their other kids Tracey, Tracey's hubby Rob, Clint and his fiance Adele, and their five kids Kyeran, Ayden, Chloe, Chelsea and Shelby....Ange, Mum & Dad, Alex & I, Nan, of course, it was a full house! Cam, Jeff & Jen's son, was working late at Hugo Boss and didn't arrive til 9pm (or 11pm est!)......
Alex was doing pretty well but hadn't had a sleep all day or much of a rest and absolutely lost it around 8ish, so lovely Clint dropped us home to Jeff & Jen's and I got Alex to bed, then cracked out the tracky pants and made myself a cuppa. Ang and Hayley arrived home not long after and we chatted for a bit before all heading for bed. We slept pretty well, Alex woke a few times and was up at 5.30am (7.30 est)...so i dressed us, grabbed the stroller and went for a walk around the shops....only to discover that west australian shops, eg safeway and coles, don't open til 8!! Oh the humanity, as I was so used to Shepparton shopping kicking off at 7am and was thinking I could kill a few hours with a leisurely walk around. Oh well.
We grabbed a coffee for me and a mcmuffin for alex and found a park further up beach road, and had a good play, made a sandcastle and went on the swings. We headed back to the Warwick grove Centro (Ang and I were sure that it was a Westfield, even though mum assured us it wasn't. She was right. Damn it!! hehe)...and met up with Angela for a coffee and a browse through the now open Coles.....got a call from Mum and Dad and met them at the Gloria Jeans. Hilarity was had by most, with Ang and Dad giggling over Glomesh - dad had found a bag at nan's and was quite taken by it. I was a bit of a grumpy bum as I hadn't had quite enough sleep and tried to join in but was a bit vague. Alex and I walked back to Jeff and Jen's and Ang, Mum, Dad and Alex headed out to see Jen & Ben and co. I headed off to a meeting and grabbed some lunch at the Centro. Bought some flowers for Jeff & Jen to say thanks and met the crew back at Jeff & Jens. Ang went off for a sleep as she had the flu and Alex played outside for hours on a plastic bike, whose wheels made a delightful sound on the concrete bricks. After two hours I ordered him inside and we cleaned up for dinner..yummy Tacos made by Hayley, with the assistance of Ang and I.........and I can't even remember what we did on Saturday night. Ang? Anyone? I think we all tried to have an early one as Nan's birthday lunch was the next day.
Sunday dawned bright and clear and Alex slept til 8am, what a good boy! I was a bit sleep deprived and weepy, premenstrual as all heck. I was also a bit stressed out as there are a lot of knick knacks and breakables at Jeff and Jen's and I was determined that Alex and I were on our best behaviour, so I felt quite unable to leave him alone at all times, was watching him like a hawk and even taking him to the toilet with me! I didn't feel that I could impose on Ang as she was sick with the flu and I was trying to prove to everyone that I was accommodating and mature and didn't have a hint of control freakery or PND residue. As a result, when Ang and Dad and I went for a walk I snapped at Ang, then burst into tears, and a tirade about how difficult I was finding it and how I missed Richard and was afraid of not being able to do this. We all went to the park and I pulled it together for Nan's par-tay. Much fun was had, although I must admit that I hardly spoke to anyone as I was trying to look after Alex and make sure he didn't destroy the fancy restaurant. Wasn't particularly child friendly but the food was delicious and I gave up all thought of healthy eating and tucked in with gusto. Alex started to lose it and was showing signs of tantrum.....so I got Ang to drop me home (stupidly I had told mum & ang that I didn't care if I drove or not, so they didn't add me to the hire car list. Again, with the trying too hard to not be control-freakery!!)...and had a little rest. I think Alex slept for a while, or maybe he just lay in bed and went "la la la"for an hour (yes, I think that's what happened)
The hordes then arrived at Jeff & Jen's and everyone played for hours, was lots of fun. I got my second wind and stopped being a grumpy bum. People started to leave and Alex headed off to bed early. Hayley, Ang, Jeff & Jen and I all sat down and watched some telly, eating some yummy mini pizzas that Jen made.
Monday, Ang, Hayley, Cam, Alex and I went to play mini golf and then to the Margaret River Chocolate Factory. It was lots of fun, although I can say that I wouldn't recommend mini golf to anyone under 4. It was a bit of an exercise in frustration, although there are lots of cute photos of Alex playing mini golf. I was a bit grumpy, but trying to be Zen about not getting to play and spending my time retrieving the ball for Alex and trying to ensure that he didn't destroy the golf course with his swinging golf club! The chocolate factory was a big hit though!! I saw the most revolting thing I saw all holiday, a revolting woman with a massive paw-full of the sample chocolate ramming handfuls of the stuff into her gaping maw. Quite disgusting, as they're sposed to be samples that you try, not grab entire paw-loads of and shovel into your gob as quick as possible. And besides, I only do that in the privacy of my own home. hee.
Monday lunch, we met up with Jen & ben and others at Nan's house for her unofficial birthday lunch......and large quantities of lunch and the delicious creamy sinful cake were consumed. mmmmmm... We then journeyed home to J&J's and the cousins (Jen, Ben, Ang, Hayley, Cam and I) all cleaned up for a night out, with the grown ups (Mum & Dad, Jeff & Jen), looking after the kidlets. We went tenpin bowling, with me insisting that everyone make up funny names on the bowling screen. I was "farty". heheh. We then went on for a lovely dinner at the local Italian, where pizza and pasta was consumed. The highlight of the night was after dinner, when Ang and Hayley won a large spongebob squarepants from the skilltester machine!! We buckled him into the kiddie seat and set on our way, singing Spongebob squarepants as we went!
Tuesday, all the kids and most of the adults had their hair cut / coloured by the talented miss Hayley. Alex cried all the way through his haircut, but Zach, Annelise and Elijah enjoyed theirs. I was still stressing a bit, I love being around my neice and nephews but I find it a bit full on, being only used to looking after one. A misunderstanding led me to lose the plot and say "I'm taking alex for a walk!!".. I headed off in tears and was wondering what the heck was wrong with me. I started to realise that I was feeling impotent and out of control, as I had no transport and kept having to rely on others to do what I wanted to do. I was also trying way too hard to be "nice"and "perfect", and getting a bit worried about Wednesday, when everyone was going to have a day to themselves, and Alex and I were going to be stuck at home. I hate being stuck at home. I'm a get out there and do stuff kinda gal. So, I decided I'd hire a crappy car for a coupla days. This proved a little difficult as I don't have a credit card (only Richard does, and with good reason too!).....but I found one and Alex and I took a taxi to pick up our Adventure Car (as Alex and I called it) We came home and I apologised to Haylz and Ang for being a moody cow, and explained that I'd felt trapped...but now had my freedom. Yay! Hayley did my hair and Alex actually had a sleep. Double Yay!! Ang also had a sleep to kill the flu bugs.
Tuesday night we had a girls night in and had yummy indian and watched Marley and Me. I cried again, and Ang didn't cry at all! I accused her of being inhuman. hehehe. A joke, I swear!
Wednesday dawned and Ang headed to the westfield for pamering, Muz & Wad went to the cemetary to visit Grandma, and Alex and I went to Toddler Town, out in Morley.....and stayed there for three hours. It was fantastic and we had the best time. Wish there was something like that here in Shep
We then went out to Hilary's for an icecream and to look at the beach and boats. While we were out there, mum rang and said she'd booked us into the Harbourside apartments there as she felt that I'd enjoy myself more with some space ....gee, am I that obvious?? hehe. I would have probably coped with Ben and Jen and kids and Alex and i staying at J&J's but might have struggled, so this was soooooo thoughtful and lovely of mum and dad. We called in to see Mum and Dad at Nan's and Alex fell asleep in the car, and didn't even wake up when I transferred him to the bed. I ran over to J&J's, packed a case for Alex and I and journeyed over to Hilarys.
I accidentally locked myself out, with Alex on the inside, while I was trying to bring all the bags in. He was getting quite upset and it took ages for me to find the right number to ring for after hours (probably about two minutes!)....the lady was wonderful, and flew down the stairs to open the door so I could be reunited with a tearful boy. It was such a beautiful apartment.....and it was so nice having some space, although i felt a little lonely. hehe....be careful what you wish for. I quickly recovered with the pay tv and some chocolate. Yes, all idea of healthy eating on holiday was definitely abandoned.
Thursday, Ang, Mum and Dad had offered to take Alex, Zach, Annelise and Elijah to the zoo so that the adults could have a child free day. We jumped at the chance and dropped kids off at 10am. I was all set to get a pedicure but as I drove off, decided to buy some flowers and go visit grandma's grave. As I drove around Subiaco, Nedlands and Claremont, it took a little while to find a shop to buy flowers in, and by the time I found Grandma's grave, it was midday. Jen and Ben rang and we arranged to meet up in Subiaco. I went to Dalkieth - Grandma and Grandpa lived there most of their lives and I'd spent many happy summers there.
I had dressed up for the day, luckily, as Dalkieth is rather hoity toity these days. Felt comfortable sauntering into the coffee shop and ordering a large decaf skinny cap. I think cappuchinos are supposedly passe these days, but I'm going retro. So there! Met up with Jen and Ben and Cam and had a yummy lunch in Suby........a little browsing, then a scenic drive along the coast, and to Cold Rock at Hilarys for more icecream for the whole gang.
I had to take my little crappy Pulsar back to the shop by 4.30, so Cam met me there and we all drove home. Alex was very tired after his long day at the zoo, as were Mum, Dad, Ang, Zach, Annelise and Elijah. Everyone came over to Jeff and Jen's for a roast but Alex was set for a tiredness tantrum and I asked mum to take me home.....taking a delicious plate of roast back to the apartment with me. Alex was asleep within 20 mins and I sat up reading til 11pm.
Friday morning Alex and I had some choc chip pancakes on the Wharf as a last hurrah, then walked around and got some provisions for the plane ride home. Mum picked us up and we checked in to our flight and spent some time at the airport. Dad is terrified of being late for a plane, and doesn't travel well, so we arrived two full hours before we were due to board the plane....two and a half before we were due to fly out. Never mind. A misunderstanding and a spilt coffee got the morning off to a bad start, as Alex was being very cranky (not unlike his mummy)...and the emotion of the trip wasn't lost on any of us. I apologised for being cranky (a recurring theme to the holiday) and we jetted off to Melbourne. All in all, a fairly successful holiday and I think I did pretty well without my hubby, although I had lots of support from family......all in all, I think I tried to be responsible, adult and aware of the effect my actions had on others....and I believe I was successful a fair bit of the time. yay, progress!
That's all folks.....back to reality and about seven or so days til Richard returns. Mum, Dad, Alex and I all managed to pick up some degree of bug on the plane, and I spent Friday and last night in Shep by myself, felt ok Friday night but yesterday was suffering from a yucky tummy bug. Today Alex and I had to come over to Finley for Roree's party, and as I was still suffering, lovely Mum took Alex to the party. Tonight we're camping at mum and dads, where I write these words to you.....waiting for damn Facebook to upload mum's photos.
Ang, Alex and I were most kindly accommodated by Mum's brother, Jeff and his lovely wife Jenny, daughter Hayley and dog Gemma. hehe. Mum and Dad stayed with Nan and Jen, Ben & co stayed at an apartment in Scarborough for four days, two nights with a family friend somewhere in the sticks, and the remaining three nights with Jeff & Jen.
Friday, we all arrived, Angela had taken a flight from Sydney a little earlier and was waiting for us. We collected the car and all piled in, and went and had dinner at Nan's with a massive Abbott family gathering......... Jeff, Jen, Hayley, as well as their other kids Tracey, Tracey's hubby Rob, Clint and his fiance Adele, and their five kids Kyeran, Ayden, Chloe, Chelsea and Shelby....Ange, Mum & Dad, Alex & I, Nan, of course, it was a full house! Cam, Jeff & Jen's son, was working late at Hugo Boss and didn't arrive til 9pm (or 11pm est!)......
Alex was doing pretty well but hadn't had a sleep all day or much of a rest and absolutely lost it around 8ish, so lovely Clint dropped us home to Jeff & Jen's and I got Alex to bed, then cracked out the tracky pants and made myself a cuppa. Ang and Hayley arrived home not long after and we chatted for a bit before all heading for bed. We slept pretty well, Alex woke a few times and was up at 5.30am (7.30 est)...so i dressed us, grabbed the stroller and went for a walk around the shops....only to discover that west australian shops, eg safeway and coles, don't open til 8!! Oh the humanity, as I was so used to Shepparton shopping kicking off at 7am and was thinking I could kill a few hours with a leisurely walk around. Oh well.
We grabbed a coffee for me and a mcmuffin for alex and found a park further up beach road, and had a good play, made a sandcastle and went on the swings. We headed back to the Warwick grove Centro (Ang and I were sure that it was a Westfield, even though mum assured us it wasn't. She was right. Damn it!! hehe)...and met up with Angela for a coffee and a browse through the now open Coles.....got a call from Mum and Dad and met them at the Gloria Jeans. Hilarity was had by most, with Ang and Dad giggling over Glomesh - dad had found a bag at nan's and was quite taken by it. I was a bit of a grumpy bum as I hadn't had quite enough sleep and tried to join in but was a bit vague. Alex and I walked back to Jeff and Jen's and Ang, Mum, Dad and Alex headed out to see Jen & Ben and co. I headed off to a meeting and grabbed some lunch at the Centro. Bought some flowers for Jeff & Jen to say thanks and met the crew back at Jeff & Jens. Ang went off for a sleep as she had the flu and Alex played outside for hours on a plastic bike, whose wheels made a delightful sound on the concrete bricks. After two hours I ordered him inside and we cleaned up for dinner..yummy Tacos made by Hayley, with the assistance of Ang and I.........and I can't even remember what we did on Saturday night. Ang? Anyone? I think we all tried to have an early one as Nan's birthday lunch was the next day.
Sunday dawned bright and clear and Alex slept til 8am, what a good boy! I was a bit sleep deprived and weepy, premenstrual as all heck. I was also a bit stressed out as there are a lot of knick knacks and breakables at Jeff and Jen's and I was determined that Alex and I were on our best behaviour, so I felt quite unable to leave him alone at all times, was watching him like a hawk and even taking him to the toilet with me! I didn't feel that I could impose on Ang as she was sick with the flu and I was trying to prove to everyone that I was accommodating and mature and didn't have a hint of control freakery or PND residue. As a result, when Ang and Dad and I went for a walk I snapped at Ang, then burst into tears, and a tirade about how difficult I was finding it and how I missed Richard and was afraid of not being able to do this. We all went to the park and I pulled it together for Nan's par-tay. Much fun was had, although I must admit that I hardly spoke to anyone as I was trying to look after Alex and make sure he didn't destroy the fancy restaurant. Wasn't particularly child friendly but the food was delicious and I gave up all thought of healthy eating and tucked in with gusto. Alex started to lose it and was showing signs of tantrum.....so I got Ang to drop me home (stupidly I had told mum & ang that I didn't care if I drove or not, so they didn't add me to the hire car list. Again, with the trying too hard to not be control-freakery!!)...and had a little rest. I think Alex slept for a while, or maybe he just lay in bed and went "la la la"for an hour (yes, I think that's what happened)
The hordes then arrived at Jeff & Jen's and everyone played for hours, was lots of fun. I got my second wind and stopped being a grumpy bum. People started to leave and Alex headed off to bed early. Hayley, Ang, Jeff & Jen and I all sat down and watched some telly, eating some yummy mini pizzas that Jen made.
Monday, Ang, Hayley, Cam, Alex and I went to play mini golf and then to the Margaret River Chocolate Factory. It was lots of fun, although I can say that I wouldn't recommend mini golf to anyone under 4. It was a bit of an exercise in frustration, although there are lots of cute photos of Alex playing mini golf. I was a bit grumpy, but trying to be Zen about not getting to play and spending my time retrieving the ball for Alex and trying to ensure that he didn't destroy the golf course with his swinging golf club! The chocolate factory was a big hit though!! I saw the most revolting thing I saw all holiday, a revolting woman with a massive paw-full of the sample chocolate ramming handfuls of the stuff into her gaping maw. Quite disgusting, as they're sposed to be samples that you try, not grab entire paw-loads of and shovel into your gob as quick as possible. And besides, I only do that in the privacy of my own home. hee.
Monday lunch, we met up with Jen & ben and others at Nan's house for her unofficial birthday lunch......and large quantities of lunch and the delicious creamy sinful cake were consumed. mmmmmm... We then journeyed home to J&J's and the cousins (Jen, Ben, Ang, Hayley, Cam and I) all cleaned up for a night out, with the grown ups (Mum & Dad, Jeff & Jen), looking after the kidlets. We went tenpin bowling, with me insisting that everyone make up funny names on the bowling screen. I was "farty". heheh. We then went on for a lovely dinner at the local Italian, where pizza and pasta was consumed. The highlight of the night was after dinner, when Ang and Hayley won a large spongebob squarepants from the skilltester machine!! We buckled him into the kiddie seat and set on our way, singing Spongebob squarepants as we went!
Tuesday, all the kids and most of the adults had their hair cut / coloured by the talented miss Hayley. Alex cried all the way through his haircut, but Zach, Annelise and Elijah enjoyed theirs. I was still stressing a bit, I love being around my neice and nephews but I find it a bit full on, being only used to looking after one. A misunderstanding led me to lose the plot and say "I'm taking alex for a walk!!".. I headed off in tears and was wondering what the heck was wrong with me. I started to realise that I was feeling impotent and out of control, as I had no transport and kept having to rely on others to do what I wanted to do. I was also trying way too hard to be "nice"and "perfect", and getting a bit worried about Wednesday, when everyone was going to have a day to themselves, and Alex and I were going to be stuck at home. I hate being stuck at home. I'm a get out there and do stuff kinda gal. So, I decided I'd hire a crappy car for a coupla days. This proved a little difficult as I don't have a credit card (only Richard does, and with good reason too!).....but I found one and Alex and I took a taxi to pick up our Adventure Car (as Alex and I called it) We came home and I apologised to Haylz and Ang for being a moody cow, and explained that I'd felt trapped...but now had my freedom. Yay! Hayley did my hair and Alex actually had a sleep. Double Yay!! Ang also had a sleep to kill the flu bugs.
Tuesday night we had a girls night in and had yummy indian and watched Marley and Me. I cried again, and Ang didn't cry at all! I accused her of being inhuman. hehehe. A joke, I swear!
Wednesday dawned and Ang headed to the westfield for pamering, Muz & Wad went to the cemetary to visit Grandma, and Alex and I went to Toddler Town, out in Morley.....and stayed there for three hours. It was fantastic and we had the best time. Wish there was something like that here in Shep
We then went out to Hilary's for an icecream and to look at the beach and boats. While we were out there, mum rang and said she'd booked us into the Harbourside apartments there as she felt that I'd enjoy myself more with some space ....gee, am I that obvious?? hehe. I would have probably coped with Ben and Jen and kids and Alex and i staying at J&J's but might have struggled, so this was soooooo thoughtful and lovely of mum and dad. We called in to see Mum and Dad at Nan's and Alex fell asleep in the car, and didn't even wake up when I transferred him to the bed. I ran over to J&J's, packed a case for Alex and I and journeyed over to Hilarys.
I accidentally locked myself out, with Alex on the inside, while I was trying to bring all the bags in. He was getting quite upset and it took ages for me to find the right number to ring for after hours (probably about two minutes!)....the lady was wonderful, and flew down the stairs to open the door so I could be reunited with a tearful boy. It was such a beautiful apartment.....and it was so nice having some space, although i felt a little lonely. hehe....be careful what you wish for. I quickly recovered with the pay tv and some chocolate. Yes, all idea of healthy eating on holiday was definitely abandoned.
Thursday, Ang, Mum and Dad had offered to take Alex, Zach, Annelise and Elijah to the zoo so that the adults could have a child free day. We jumped at the chance and dropped kids off at 10am. I was all set to get a pedicure but as I drove off, decided to buy some flowers and go visit grandma's grave. As I drove around Subiaco, Nedlands and Claremont, it took a little while to find a shop to buy flowers in, and by the time I found Grandma's grave, it was midday. Jen and Ben rang and we arranged to meet up in Subiaco. I went to Dalkieth - Grandma and Grandpa lived there most of their lives and I'd spent many happy summers there.
I had dressed up for the day, luckily, as Dalkieth is rather hoity toity these days. Felt comfortable sauntering into the coffee shop and ordering a large decaf skinny cap. I think cappuchinos are supposedly passe these days, but I'm going retro. So there! Met up with Jen and Ben and Cam and had a yummy lunch in Suby........a little browsing, then a scenic drive along the coast, and to Cold Rock at Hilarys for more icecream for the whole gang.
I had to take my little crappy Pulsar back to the shop by 4.30, so Cam met me there and we all drove home. Alex was very tired after his long day at the zoo, as were Mum, Dad, Ang, Zach, Annelise and Elijah. Everyone came over to Jeff and Jen's for a roast but Alex was set for a tiredness tantrum and I asked mum to take me home.....taking a delicious plate of roast back to the apartment with me. Alex was asleep within 20 mins and I sat up reading til 11pm.
Friday morning Alex and I had some choc chip pancakes on the Wharf as a last hurrah, then walked around and got some provisions for the plane ride home. Mum picked us up and we checked in to our flight and spent some time at the airport. Dad is terrified of being late for a plane, and doesn't travel well, so we arrived two full hours before we were due to board the plane....two and a half before we were due to fly out. Never mind. A misunderstanding and a spilt coffee got the morning off to a bad start, as Alex was being very cranky (not unlike his mummy)...and the emotion of the trip wasn't lost on any of us. I apologised for being cranky (a recurring theme to the holiday) and we jetted off to Melbourne. All in all, a fairly successful holiday and I think I did pretty well without my hubby, although I had lots of support from family......all in all, I think I tried to be responsible, adult and aware of the effect my actions had on others....and I believe I was successful a fair bit of the time. yay, progress!
That's all folks.....back to reality and about seven or so days til Richard returns. Mum, Dad, Alex and I all managed to pick up some degree of bug on the plane, and I spent Friday and last night in Shep by myself, felt ok Friday night but yesterday was suffering from a yucky tummy bug. Today Alex and I had to come over to Finley for Roree's party, and as I was still suffering, lovely Mum took Alex to the party. Tonight we're camping at mum and dads, where I write these words to you.....waiting for damn Facebook to upload mum's photos.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
March and April 2009
Wow, so.....it's been about six weeks since I've last blogged...I keep thinking that I should, but it's so much easier just to do random quizzes on facebook and comment on other peoples statuses, then refresh the page to see if they've responded to my witty comments...hehhe. I do so have a life!!
Well, I went to Portarlington with Richard and his work in late March, that was fun...I was stressing heaps about it because it was going to be a bit of a boozy weekend away..... Went to a few meetings beforehand and went away armed with a lot of numbers and the meetings list. Actually managed to attend one whilst I was away, most of the boys were go-carting and the women had taken a bus to Geelong, so I hopped along ....then went and spent some quality time shopping and enjoying Sumo Salad! I wish they had a branch here. Richard and I really reconnected on the weekend away and I'm glad that I didn't let my fear stand in the way of going. Here is a pic:
Then, the weekend after that I headed off to sunny Canberra and had a lovely short visit with Laura and Luke, catching up with Megan, Deb and others, and the lovely Margs. Stocked up on some books at Canty's (wish I could go there every weekend) and went to the Fyshwick markets...has to be done. Lots of remeniscing and "oh yeah, remember the time that I got drunk on that corner".......but also "remember how sad and lonely I felt".....and then "wow, I'm a really different person to the one who left here 5 years ago. I mean, really really different. Less afraid and more patient and stuff". (on a good day anyway)
I came home on an absolute high. And you know what they say about highs...what goes up, must come down. And down I came, spectacularly, just in time for Easter at my parents!!
Had an ok weekend, was great to see family, Richard's brother Tim has got engaged to a lovely girl called Squish..it's awesome. Tim is great and Squish is wonderful, it's so awesome when you see two people so in larve preparing for their lifetime together. Ahhhh. Sister Jen and hubby Ben threw a party for Elijah's first birthday party and I got to see a lot of peeps I hadn't seen for a while. Also caught up with Katy and Roree and Sara and Allison, which was great for me and for Alex. Had some quality talks with mum, she is such a soldier. Always thinking of someone else and always there for me. I had a moment last night when I realised that I must have caused her to shed some tears over the years. I thought of Alex doing some of the things I'd done and reduced myself to tears!
Spose that's the point though - it's not all good or all bad, it's somewhere in between. Just because I get tired or make a mistake doesn't mean that I've failed. So, since then I've been deciding to do what I am passionate about and get involved with others. For me, depression lies in staying home all the time and only thinking about myself.
So....I have redoubled my efforts in finding a job, have applied for 3 with scary long selection criterias....and kept in regular touch with temping agencies.....with an excellent result! Had a phone call today and I'm going to do two days of temping with an accounting firm here in shep, taking the minutes and typing them up for one of their meetings. Oooher! I was excited but felt a sense of "holy crap, can I do this?"......The one thing that my recovery has taught me is to be humble and gracious (as I said, not all the time), and whereas before I would have walked in the door thinking I was hot sh*t and they were lucky to have me deigning to work with them.....now I'm a little less full o myself. I'm sure it will be fine though...I have done minute taking and writing before and I haven't ever had any complaints. None that I listened to, anyway, hehe.
I have also dropped out of uni.....for the third time in my life. hehe. There's a funny story to do with uni. Whenever I find myself unsure about what to do in life, I always think "I'm gonna study!".....and I always, always, always wish that I was working instead of studying. I hate it. I just don't get it and I don't want to do it. I started with this study skills unit and it was really hard and we had to summarise a text on really dense, heavy subjects. It brought back sitting in a lecture hall at ANU in 1994, panicking, and thinking "I DON'T WANNA DO THIS!!!".......I may be a thinker, but I'm not academic or analytic enough for uni....perhaps not disciplined enough either. Plus, you have to do so much of it by yourself - I much prefer being around people and talking and all that jazz.....ruminating at home by myself isn't much fun for me. I wanna get out there and live, live people!!! hehe. So I feel at peace with it and have told myself to remember this feeling the next time I think "I want to study"...recognise if I am really interested in what I'm thinking of studying, or am I just using it as a plug for a hole elsewhere in my life?
I have had two mega-awesome outings with Alex. On Sunday, my friends Kellie and Glen organised a boat cruise along the Murray river at Echuca. It lasted 2 hours and I was a little worried about how Alex would cope (Richard was racing at Wilby Park so couldn't mind him), and though he cried a little, he was mostly really happy and I felt that we both managed it well.
Just to test my endurance, Alex and I also travelled to Melbourne today, drove to Seymour and caught the train to Melbourne (for the grand price of $10.20 return), met up with the lovely Laura and her lovely sis Katherine......bought some shoes, ate some food.......it was great. Managed Alex's moods well, even managed to hold a conversation with Laurs while Alex was leaping all over me in one of his hyper modes. Not sure what Laurs thought of it all..... She is looking lovely, they say pregnant ladies bloom, but this hot mama takes the cake. I'm so excited for her and Luke. I hope their baby has ginger ringlets. I love ginger hair on kiddies.
Today also will go down in history as "the day I stopped eating icecream when I was full, even though it wasn't all finished". Yes, historians will talk about this day for years to come, and students may even write essays on it. Ha!! Feels like my relationship with food is getting better and I'm realising that overeating is symptom of unhappiness and eating til over-ful a bad habit. I also want to model good food habits for Alex. Read a great book by AJ Rochester and she has a whole chapter on the impact of your weight battle on the kiddies. It has really hit me how often I take the easy option and compromise Alex's health. Really want to kick a goal in this area, don't want my boy to struggle with his weight the way his mummy does.
So....for now, that is all. I hope to update you a little sooner than my last post. Hope you are all well, I feel tired but very blessed and very happy.
Well, I went to Portarlington with Richard and his work in late March, that was fun...I was stressing heaps about it because it was going to be a bit of a boozy weekend away..... Went to a few meetings beforehand and went away armed with a lot of numbers and the meetings list. Actually managed to attend one whilst I was away, most of the boys were go-carting and the women had taken a bus to Geelong, so I hopped along ....then went and spent some quality time shopping and enjoying Sumo Salad! I wish they had a branch here. Richard and I really reconnected on the weekend away and I'm glad that I didn't let my fear stand in the way of going. Here is a pic:
Then, the weekend after that I headed off to sunny Canberra and had a lovely short visit with Laura and Luke, catching up with Megan, Deb and others, and the lovely Margs. Stocked up on some books at Canty's (wish I could go there every weekend) and went to the Fyshwick markets...has to be done. Lots of remeniscing and "oh yeah, remember the time that I got drunk on that corner".......but also "remember how sad and lonely I felt".....and then "wow, I'm a really different person to the one who left here 5 years ago. I mean, really really different. Less afraid and more patient and stuff". (on a good day anyway)
I came home on an absolute high. And you know what they say about highs...what goes up, must come down. And down I came, spectacularly, just in time for Easter at my parents!!
Had an ok weekend, was great to see family, Richard's brother Tim has got engaged to a lovely girl called Squish..it's awesome. Tim is great and Squish is wonderful, it's so awesome when you see two people so in larve preparing for their lifetime together. Ahhhh. Sister Jen and hubby Ben threw a party for Elijah's first birthday party and I got to see a lot of peeps I hadn't seen for a while. Also caught up with Katy and Roree and Sara and Allison, which was great for me and for Alex. Had some quality talks with mum, she is such a soldier. Always thinking of someone else and always there for me. I had a moment last night when I realised that I must have caused her to shed some tears over the years. I thought of Alex doing some of the things I'd done and reduced myself to tears!
We had a busy schedule of social events and I ended up having a big fight with *someone* and spending a lot of time crying. Oh well, says she, proof positive that I haven't changed that much....and can still go back to that scared little person if I let my guard down or get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. A shame, cause I was thinking I was superman before that!
Spose that's the point though - it's not all good or all bad, it's somewhere in between. Just because I get tired or make a mistake doesn't mean that I've failed. So, since then I've been deciding to do what I am passionate about and get involved with others. For me, depression lies in staying home all the time and only thinking about myself.
So....I have redoubled my efforts in finding a job, have applied for 3 with scary long selection criterias....and kept in regular touch with temping agencies.....with an excellent result! Had a phone call today and I'm going to do two days of temping with an accounting firm here in shep, taking the minutes and typing them up for one of their meetings. Oooher! I was excited but felt a sense of "holy crap, can I do this?"......The one thing that my recovery has taught me is to be humble and gracious (as I said, not all the time), and whereas before I would have walked in the door thinking I was hot sh*t and they were lucky to have me deigning to work with them.....now I'm a little less full o myself. I'm sure it will be fine though...I have done minute taking and writing before and I haven't ever had any complaints. None that I listened to, anyway, hehe.
I have also dropped out of uni.....for the third time in my life. hehe. There's a funny story to do with uni. Whenever I find myself unsure about what to do in life, I always think "I'm gonna study!".....and I always, always, always wish that I was working instead of studying. I hate it. I just don't get it and I don't want to do it. I started with this study skills unit and it was really hard and we had to summarise a text on really dense, heavy subjects. It brought back sitting in a lecture hall at ANU in 1994, panicking, and thinking "I DON'T WANNA DO THIS!!!".......I may be a thinker, but I'm not academic or analytic enough for uni....perhaps not disciplined enough either. Plus, you have to do so much of it by yourself - I much prefer being around people and talking and all that jazz.....ruminating at home by myself isn't much fun for me. I wanna get out there and live, live people!!! hehe. So I feel at peace with it and have told myself to remember this feeling the next time I think "I want to study"...recognise if I am really interested in what I'm thinking of studying, or am I just using it as a plug for a hole elsewhere in my life?
I have had two mega-awesome outings with Alex. On Sunday, my friends Kellie and Glen organised a boat cruise along the Murray river at Echuca. It lasted 2 hours and I was a little worried about how Alex would cope (Richard was racing at Wilby Park so couldn't mind him), and though he cried a little, he was mostly really happy and I felt that we both managed it well.
Just to test my endurance, Alex and I also travelled to Melbourne today, drove to Seymour and caught the train to Melbourne (for the grand price of $10.20 return), met up with the lovely Laura and her lovely sis Katherine......bought some shoes, ate some food.......it was great. Managed Alex's moods well, even managed to hold a conversation with Laurs while Alex was leaping all over me in one of his hyper modes. Not sure what Laurs thought of it all..... She is looking lovely, they say pregnant ladies bloom, but this hot mama takes the cake. I'm so excited for her and Luke. I hope their baby has ginger ringlets. I love ginger hair on kiddies.
Today also will go down in history as "the day I stopped eating icecream when I was full, even though it wasn't all finished". Yes, historians will talk about this day for years to come, and students may even write essays on it. Ha!! Feels like my relationship with food is getting better and I'm realising that overeating is symptom of unhappiness and eating til over-ful a bad habit. I also want to model good food habits for Alex. Read a great book by AJ Rochester and she has a whole chapter on the impact of your weight battle on the kiddies. It has really hit me how often I take the easy option and compromise Alex's health. Really want to kick a goal in this area, don't want my boy to struggle with his weight the way his mummy does.
So....for now, that is all. I hope to update you a little sooner than my last post. Hope you are all well, I feel tired but very blessed and very happy.
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