well, hello reader!
This morning we find Deborah Hay yet again unable to sleep and perusing the internet. The difference this time is that I'm off my sleeping tablets! Woo. So, the thing I am experiencing at present is called "rebound insomnia"....how pleasant. The good news is at least this will only last a little while and is definitely to be expected whilst coming off sleeping tablets, having been on them for about eighteen months. Speaking from experience as a long-term insomniac, sleeping tablets are a trap best to be avoided unless you can possibly avoid it (eg psychiatric conditions that make you fear lack of sleep). It just creates a rebound effect.....most doctors and chemists and psychs I know are dead against them. Much better to sleep by your own accord than by artificial means.
This is my fourth night without the tablets and I know that a lot of this insomnia is psychological. Used to having the crutch of tablets to enable sleep, I find falling asleep difficult, as well as staying asleep. The first three nights I fell asleep after an hour or so, only to wake up around 3...which was useful, as Alex has been very unsettled and has needed bonjela, panadol, a bottle...etc. I've had some good sleeps, with dreams in them, so I know that I've reached the REM stage of sleep, the good stuff. This is very encouraging. And I know that this insomnia will not last forever. I've had horrid periods of persistent insomnia in my early sobriety, and at the time I thought I would never sleep again. I did. So I know I will again. It is wonderfully exciting that I am off my sleeping medication. When I stop being so tired and start sleeping naturally, I will be so much better off. The sleeping tablets make you sluggish and slow your metabolism down
***eeeeeeeeeew my cat just jumped on my lap and farted.....gross***********
So, in summation.......(I am choking on fumes).....I am sleepless in Shepparton, but not hopeless! I am so excited about what the coming months bring. I feel at home in my body, in my mind. I had a great day today and really enjoyed being Alex's mum. I didn't feel worried about how I was going to get through the day......I have what I always wished for during the desperate first months of PND. I can be myself and be a mum. It isn't always perfect and I cut corners all the time. But I love my baby and I love my husband and I have friends and family who love me and all in all....life is pretty peachy.
I am so excited about my friend Suzanne having a baby. It was her due date today and I am trying not to trouble her with ten million "is it here yet?" texts and calls....but I am so excited.....she is so gorgeous and I can't wait to meet her gorgeous baby.
hmmmm getting sleepy. One last look at embarassing emails on snopes.com and back to bed for me. My poor light sleeper of a hubby is being disturbed quite a bit with my nocturnal activity. He's being very understanding. Bless him!