Thursday, May 13, 2010

It's not all about me

I have to say, I'm a big fan of talking.  And I often don't have the filter that other people have. Yes, I've been guilty of the over-share in my life.  Big time.  But I'm starting to learn the value of keeping quiet.

I have been in therapy for about 10 years...I don't mind admitting it. I've always been prone to depression and talking about it has been an amazing way of going from the scared, immature, broken girl I was at 22 to the content, grown up and accountable woman that I try to be most days.  But it hasn't been easy. There have been many layers of thoughts that I've had to sift through, many ugly and frightening beliefs that I've had to challenge and shed.  And I'm going to go all spiritual here and say that the only way I've been able to continue along this path is through a belief in a higher power - in my case, God.

It's been an amazing revelation to see that when I continually have problems with people, and get in arguments, the person who I need to look at is the common denominator - me.  If I keep having trouble in my workplaces, I need to look at my attitude and the situations that I put myself in.  It's been a turnaround to see that most people aren't out to get me, they're just suffering from their own variety of dysfunction.  It's been amazing to free people from their pedestals, and to let them be human.  My thinking has gone from black and white to shades of grey.  I am a perfectionist and get really upset if I don't measure up to my standards, and while this spurs some people on to achieve, it makes me drop out and stop trying.  My desire has been to just do the best I can, and to realise that nobody (apart from me ) is judging me.  I have also realised that it's unfair to have such high standards of my friends and to persecute them when they don't live up to them.  Today I give them space to be who they are.

It's also amazing that, in keeping quiet sometimes, that I can be the one that people confide in, the shoulder that they cry on, instead of being the centre of attention and the one who needs to be propped up.

I had a friend recently ask me about seeing someone to resolve some issues and I realised that this is something I know quite well.  I'm thinking about going into the area of counselling, because it fascinates me, the reasons why we do what we do, and the patterns that we repeat in our lives.  Knowledge is power, and once you understand why you do what you do, then you have the power to change it.   It is painful turning the light onto yourself and examining, but the rewards are...the ability to change behaviour that keeps you trapped.  It's amazing.

I'd also like to say how blessed I am to have my wonderful family, and how amazing it is to have such strong, healthy and happy ties with my sisters and my parents.  I'm also blessed to be part of an amazing family of inlaws, and have found such great unconditional love in the Hay family.  I'm pretty happy and content.  (now is the part where I go and have a massive fight with someone..heheheh....pride comes before a fall!)
peace out, homies xoxoxo

ps -if you want to get some counselling about a problem, the best way to do it is to talk to your GP.  In Australia, we're lucky to have a very supportive health care program.  Your GP can set up a care plan and refer you for 6 visits to a psychologist or counsellor at a reduced rate. Depending on the counsellor's fee structure, these visits may even be free.  We are so lucky we live in an age where mental health is so important and its upkeep so well supported.  Go Australia! :)