Sometimes I look at the world that I live in and think it's so grossly unfair. Because of circumstance, my little family and I live in peace and comfort here in Shepparton. My husband has a safe, secure job that makes enough money for us to pay our bills. I have the freedom to go wherever I like and be friends with people from other races and cultures. We are all able to get free medical care and the facilities that my son plays on are clean, safe and readily available.
I guess what got me thinking was tonight Richard and I watched the movie "Iron Man", there was a bit about the atrocities that are happening in Afghanistan and surrounding areas in the name of peace....and the profiteering and warmongering that goes on to keep this violence perpetuated. It makes me so sad, because it is so easy to sit here in comfort and peace and close our ears and eyes to what is going on, to think that those people have nothing in common with you and I and to just not get involved.
But I am sitting here thinking, what separates me from a family in that area? The consequences of my birth, that is all. There may well be a 32 year old woman married to a 34 year old man, with a 2 year old son, who constantly fears for her life...she may be a widow, or the 2 year old may be an orphan. It just makes my heart bleed.....how undeserving I am of such freedom and mercy when so many people are suffering such injustices and pain. It makes me feel so helpless. I want to stop this war, I want to make the world a better place...but how do I do that?
I have so many choices and so much potential....and often times that doesn't even make me happy. I still see the glass half empty. I can still be a horrible person inside my head, even though I don't say it out loud (as much) anymore.
I was lining up to get a video and the guy who was serving was chatting with the man in front of me. Oh shut up,hurry up and serve me, I thought, as he chatted away and laughed. I mentally accused him of being fake....until I listened to what he was saying....he had been at school with one of the man's relatives and was asking after her parents. The father had died of cancer. "oh...that's terrible", said the cashier "my father passed away 11 years ago from that. Horrible stuff". And here I am accusing him of being fake! You never know the pain that is buried inside another human being....all of us are just trying to get along in life and you can just never judge a book by its cover. I felt awful after that! My anti social thoughts had this young man down as a shallow human being, when he has suffered as much as anyone has, with the death of a parent.
Pah. Sometimes I need an attitude readjustment. Specially when I do other people's thinking for them and accuse them of thinking the negative garbage that can fester in my mind. Most people aren't half as harsh as I accuse them of being. I really need to go to a meeting....it will clear my mind and I know when I tell that story, others around the table will nod and smile...having done the same thing themselves. That's the part I love about the meetings...the identification...the feeling that you're not alone in the fight to be a better person.
I guess I shouldn't totally ignore the part of God in all this.....I know that God has all the answers so I appeal to him to help me know what to do. Show me the right way and what to do to help. I can't look at Alex and how gorgeous and amazing he is and not believe in God. I know that he is out there.
I've changed my blog name. It was once "City chick in the country", but I changed it, because I was just lying in bed thinking that I'm not really that much of a city chick. Sure, I like the shopping and the cafes and stuff...but Shepparton has that too....I did enjoy living in Canberra, but I can't say that I am a true city chick. Sydney and Melbourne-ites laugh at Canberra anyway, and call it a large country town....so perhaps I am just a large country town chick. That sounds totally wrong, so I think that 'Becoming Deborah' is much more in line with the theme of this blog. I am going to share this site on facebook and cut some of the rambling drivel.
Night all! Deb xo