Sunday, February 7, 2010

Facebook rehab

They tried to make me go to Rehab, and I said No No no!

Well, last Thursday my husband Richard and I decided that we were spending way too much time on the internet and, therefore, that we'd go from Thursday night til Friday night without switching the computer on.

This sounded easy, but hurt a lot.
I'd just started a new job that was full time, and didn't really see any other people. I had a meltdown all over my friend Mon because I was detoxing.  I had less patience with Alex because I wasn't counting down to logging on.  I missed catching up with my friend Kristy because I couldn't get into my inbox.  I missed the news that my cousin's pop had died.  I missed the social interaction. I missed people knowing what I was up to and commenting on it.  I missed being able to vent about a friend of mine (ex friend now, I guess) dropping stuff she'd borrowed off on my doorstep with a terse note, after I haven't seen her for about six weeks.  we last left things that she'd contact me.  I guess that's a "no" on continuing the friendship.

All of these things on their own wouldn't have made me lose it.  But, the stress of the new job, the lack of personal contact, the guilt about returning to full time work, the fear of losing a friend, the guilt of missing my catchup, the worry of breaking down in front of my friends, the feeling of being out of control.....Yeah.  I didn't like it.  I wanted the internet. But, failing that, I wanted chocolate, or a cigarette.  I have given up smoking for about 4 or 3 years now (ok, so I quit 4 years ago but took it up again when I had PND.  It was the only thing I could concentrate on!).  I am on weight watchers so bulk chocolate consumption wasn't really on the agenda.  So...I suffered.  Tried to keep myself busy...but it was damn hard!

And here's the other thing I realised.  I am a bit of an egotist. I am a bit of an exhibitionist.  I enjoy people knowing about my life. I'm big on the over-share.  I like to talk about me (in moderation, of course).  I think what I've learnt from this experience is, it's ok to share your life with people online.  Just perhaps, half an hour every second day will do.  So that's what I've decided.  It's that old curse word of MODERATION. Yes. everything in moderation, well I don't like MODERATION! I LIKE EXCESS, PEOPLE!!! hehehe.  But I'm committed to moderation on the net.  we'll see.

ps - I broke our bet on Wednesday evening and it felt sweeter than the first bite of chocolate or first puff of a ciggy. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Internet, how I love you.

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