Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Heath Ledger, how sad

Just checked Perez Hilton for his take on the sad news about Heath Ledger. Man....I can understand wanting to kill yourself, cause for a lot of last year, I felt like it was my only option. I had so much going for me and so many people who cared about me, but none of it could break through the darkness that I felt. I really wanted it to, but I just felt like if anyone who loved me knew how bad that I felt, that they would understand me not wanting to be around. It is so horrific that unless you have stood in someone with Major depression or a substance dependency issue's can't really judge.

Still incredibly sad and he's so young! he's about six months younger than my little sister, gosh.....he still had so much to do, so much to live for. At the end of the day it doesn't really matter what I think goes on, doesn't it? Sometimes it's hard to make sense of it all......I remember that bit in Reality Bites where Ethan Hawke's character says something like "life is just a lottery of meaningless coincidences and a series of near misses".... That's sure what it seems like sometimes. I guess the thing with believing in God, we believe that there is a reason for it all, that it's not all in vain, that there is some higher power making sense of it all when it all seems like meaningless bullshit to us.

Had a great day today, had the girls around for mothers group, had a massage and had a nanna nap this afternoon. I am still a little bit scared of not being able to sleep, but it's getting less and I am a lot better. Went and had dinner with some lovely friends, Darren and Kate, and they have a little boy Roree who is 3 months older than Alex. It was lovely. Just sitting around talking crap and of those lovely evenings which you can never plan.

I feel very lucky to be alive. Which is so nice because for so long I didn't care either way. 2008 IS the year of victory!

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