Well I sat and watched a bit of this movie when it was on, Tuesday morning and I was trying to clean up the house. I saw it with my friend Suzanne, I think, years ago.....when it first came out in 02 or 03? I think I saw it with Suz. Anyho...
At the time I hated the movie, thought it was a seinfeld movie, a movie about nothing, tom cruise's posturings and his silly spanish piece of fluff, bla bla bla.... but oh dear....tuesday it really got to me.
Tom's character is a serial romancer, who has a bed buddy, played by Cameron Diaz.....she is mega serious about him but he's not in the least bit serious about her. He also has a lovely friend played by Jason Lee, who never gets the chick, cause tommy boy is always getting the chick. Anyway, at a party at his house, one that he hasn't invited Cammy to....he meets Penelope Cruz's character, a spirited painter and dancer. Jason Lee has his eye on her but when they meet it's obvious that TC and PC like each other. Jason Lee takes him to one side and says "you could have anyone, why do you have to take the one I like?" Tom smiles but pursues her anyway, walking her home and save a kiss goodbye, saving their chemistry for later. He walks away and sees Cameron's character waiting in a car, wanting to talk to him.....she says, as friends...
So to prove he isn't a total a-hole, Tom gets in the car. she then goes ballistic and commits suicide by driving the car off a bridge, and injuring his beautiful face. He doesn't cope well with the change in his life....which is only that of perception. He's still the same person, but he believes that people don't see him as they used to. He believes that they feel sorry for him. He is so stuck and so sick that he believes that the only way out is Suicide. His emotions and perceptions are soooo ugly, he believes there is no way out for him, that anyone who wants to be in his life from now on is only doing so because they feel sorry for him. The film where he takes the pills, he is so desperate, so ugly in his fear, and so wrong about the rest of the world. People care about him but because he can't control how they see him anymore, he can't cope.
I cried and cried because this is something that I have struggled with so much in my postnatal depression. I believe anyone who wants to get to know me feels sorry for me and I want to control how they see me. I don't think I'm well enough yet, I don't think I'm perfect enough for anyone to love me or want me. All I see is my flaws...they cloud my perception of everything anyone else says or does. He had the windows shut and there was no light...there was no rest, there was no peace in ending his life. THere were people waiting to be his friend and to love him, but all he had to do was go outside. It would hurt for a while and be strange, but soon he could be a friend as well as have a friend. He could help other people who had been through the same thing. He could see that life is not a perfect tragectory and moving straight up, but that a lot of life is falling down (sometimes really hard) and getting back up and trying to walk again.
Much of our classic art and literature and music was composed by artists who were suffering, artists who knew pain and who tried to communicate this pain. Pain and suffering is not nice, not nice at all...but it can be the start of massive growth and maturity. It gives you character. Suicide is not the answer, not ever. There is always another chance, there is always another day.
Lots and lots of love to you all. and more songs soon!